Remember how the “old folks” were cared for when we were growing up? Our parents or an aunt took care of grandma or grandpa. In most towns there was a nursing home for seniors who either had no family close by, or had diseases families couldn’t deal with.
At first glance, caring for an older person today seems so much more manageable. We have many options available – ranging from retirement and assisted living communities, to adult foster care homes and specialized facilities like skilled nursing and memory care.
Even so, many families today still want to care for an elderly loved one at home. My heart goes out to the dedicated daughters, and other family members, who are caring for their mom or dad in their own home. They are truly the heroic and often forgotten ones. Many of those family members hold down jobs and still have children living at home. They are part of the “sandwich generation.”
In demographics they are know as “unpaid caregivers.” Some 34-million Americans fall into that category. How do they do it and why?
In some families it’s a natural way – mom took care of grandma and now it’s my turn to do the same. Sometimes it’s a promise given to dad before he passed away. Others couldn’t deal with the guilt if they didn’t step up to the plate.
Each situation is unique. For some it’s a calling and healing. However, I also hear from the daughters who are at wit’s end. They are torn between competing demands from husbands, children and parents. Unfortunately, “trying to do the right thing” by caring for an elder at home can lead to mental and physical exhaustion, family tension and even emotional or physical abuse.
If you decide to take care of your mom or dad at home with your family’s help – first, sit down, get everyone’s input, plan ahead and rely on your intuition. Most importantly, get an independent, professional opinion. I’ve been advising families for 23 years. I can be of help to your family, at no cost or obligation. Please call me or send me an email. Care Service Options is here to help when you need us.
Monika Gärtner Care Service Options, Inc.503-246-8604
Care Service Options – Senior Placement Guide